Just in case you thought that American Horror Story: Apocalypse ran out of tricks once Mallory (Billie Lourd) unsuccessfully tried to thwart the Bolshevik Revolution and Dinah (Adina Porter) sold her soul to be the next Wendy Williams, in came the finale, "Apocalypse Then," to prove that there’s always more fun to be had when witches, warlocks, time travel, Jessica Lange and Angela Bassett come to town.
Below, the four most apocalyptic moments from the AHS: Apocalypse finale:
1. The Witches Were in Charge From Day One
Turns out there was a reason that Myrtle (Frances Conroy), Cordelia (Sarah Paulson), and Madison (Emma Roberts) strolled in to post-apocalypse Outpost 3 like it wasn’t no thang back in the end of Episode 3 — they had already stacked the deck in their favor way before Michael (Cody Fern) even had the chance to drop his first bomb.
Before the bombs fell, the witches sent Myrtle to Jeff (Evan Peters) and Mutt’s (Billy Eichner) robo-lair to figure out their plans and the locations of Michael’s outposts. She convinced them to allow Coco’s (Leslie Grossman) family to purchase four slots then complained that she had to leave without murdering them both. Bummer for Myrtle.
With Coco’s place in Outpost 3 secured, Cordelia performed the identity spells that wiped Coco and Mallory’s memories. Cordelia modeled Coco’s new personality from Madison’s, ensuring that Mallory would seem innocuous and meek to Michael once he met the witches post-apocalypse. Coco actually cried and hugged Mallory before Cordelia performed her spell, and the two of them promised that no matter how bad it would get they’d always stick together.
So essentially, Coco was always pretty cool, we just never knew it because Cordelia cribbed her post-apocalypse personality from Madison. Got it.
2. … But They Still Died
After six episodes of pre-apocalypse build-up, we finally returned to Outpost 3 to see Cordelia and the witches fight Michael once they resurrected Coco, Mallory, and Dinah. They’d been woken up from their years-long dirt naps by Mallory’s burst of power in her meeting with Michael, and were ready to be done with Satan once and for all before they even had a cup of coffee.
However, of all people, Brock (Billy Eichner, again) mortally wounded Mallory, while Michael exploded Madison’s head and snapped Coco’s neck. Cordelia did the coolest thing ever and promised the cowardly, traitorous Dinah to Papa Legba in exchange for Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett, looking incredible, as usual), but even Marie was no match for Michael’s evil. He ripped her heart straight out of her chest.
Still, Cordelia had one final trick up her black, lacy sleeve — she sacrificed herself to bring Mallory’s full powers to fruition, allowing the girl to travel back in time to end things once and for all.
3. Mallory Saved the World…
Instead of traveling back to 2015 to save us all from, ahem, our current political climate, Mallory traveled to 2015 and ran Michael over with her car several times. Fair.
So Michael died (but not before we all got to see him interact with Constance once last time), Mallory was the only one who remembered the apocalypse timeline, Cordelia and Coco were fine, Queenie never went to the Hotel Cortez in the first place (because Mallory convinced her to stay closer to the beach), and Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) never died.
This was all super swell, but this new timeline meant that Madison and Myrtle were never resurrected. Though Misty Day (Lily Rabe) eventually was, thanks to Mallory’s power and influence in the underworld. And though we never saw it, we presume that all of the happy endings we saw in the Murder House episode never happened.
4. …Only for Satan to Destroy It All Again
Lest you thought that Mallory would get the final word, "Apocalypse Then" re-introduced fallen heroes Timothy (Kyle Allen) and Emily (Ash Santos) to prove that Satan always wins. The two lovebirds met at a protest on the streets of Los Angeles and quickly fell in love, only to produce a baby boy who would later kill his nanny, bring on the crows, attract the attention of Miriam Mead (Kathy Bates) and, presumably, bring on another apocalypse.